Triple Threat Tuesday

Tuesday, Y U so threatening?

Because we got a guest blogger with us today (K-Baw$$ in da HAU$).

This is Karol's first time ever in the Langara Cafeteria, and possibly Nick's last time blogging from the Langara Cafeteria, before he abandons this fine college for another institution.

I will continue on here at Langara, and eventually I will be on my own writing these posts in the middle of the cafeteria. That is a really sad thought. On the bright side, I do have these amigos with me to write today.

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Today's we present Ten Tepid Tips for Travel Through the Transit Tubes (not hot tips, because we're humble like that).

Translink is a fine system (North American transit system of the year in 1995 I believe... too lazy to Google it), but the riders of Translink are not.

Here are some tips for getting the most out of your Bus, Seabus, SkyTrain, Canada Line, or West Coast Express journey.* Note that we write these tips while assuming the mental mantle of typical Translinkians. (We call them our MMTT's.)


At this point Karol is absent, leaving us to assume either A) he has eaten a laundry basket full of Wheat Thins, or B) the flush of the toilet has created a vacuum and left Karol permanently stuck to the toilet seat.

1. If you want to have more space on the bus, put your bag in the window seat and sit on the aisle seat. If you do not have a bag talk to yourself very loudly complete with hand gestures, feigning insanity, most people find this off-putting and will not want to sit next to you.

2. If there is a recently vacated seat which you and another are vying for, offer the seat to your opponent. Vancouver transit rules state that "the one who offers a recently vacated seat shall be awarded the privilege of sitting in it"**

3. Moving while a bus is in motion is the safest, and most efficient way of preparing to exit a crowded bus. Be sure to push past people, especially if it means separating them from an object which they are using to stabilize themselves. A simple icy glare will suffice to move any people who refuse to put themselves in harm's way for the sake of your timely exit from the bus.

(Oh! Karol's back! No need for alarm, apparently he just got coffee.)

4. If you really don't want to talk to people, or even make eye contact, vancouver transit is for you (This does not apply to the #20 bus, which runs along Hastings).

5. Always make a point of flashing your U-Pass at bored university bus drivers who never look at you, especially when getting on AT the university.

6. Also, bring headphones, these are a must to ensure no conversations with anyone.

7. NEVER take your backpack off, especially on crowded busses.

8. When traveling by skytrain, make sure to get on before letting others off. This is the most expedient way to board any vehicle.

9. When seats are full, and the driver bids you move to the back of the bus, never go up the two stairs that separate the back of the bus from the front. It's much too dangerous to enter the uncharted wilds of the bus.

10. Be sure to disregard any advice from people who tell you that these Transit practices aren't correct. They are ill-informed and seek your destruction. Ignore them, and think of rabbits fighting, whilst a polka plays  in the background.


*please note that these tips do not apply to the soon to be constructed Evergreen line.
** that statement is completely fabricated by myself for comedic effect.


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QKBPS (Quick K-Boss Post Script):

Karol here. First, I am supremely grateful to Nick and Colin for featuring me on this blog - what an honour! I'd also like to thank my producer, my agent, and especially Mom and Dad for sticking with me this long....

This experience in no way reminds me of something that just happened right now, but it was so strange I'd like to share it anyways. So there.
I was just sitting here, pondering the nature of the Blogoverse and and the Interspheres (I am a Philosophy major, after all), when a completely random man walked up to our table and asked me if I knew about reiki.  Apparently it's a Japanese new-agey healing thing, and his instructor had him go around and do reiki for complete strangers. He had me hold out my hands, and proceeded to wave his hands over mine, about 2 inches from touching me. He did this for about 3 minutes, and then told me to "visualize the universe flowing through me". Even as a Philosophy major, I wasn't too sure how to go about this, so when he asked whether I "could feel the universe flowing through me", I hesitantly said "...not really". He looked a bit disappointed, but said it was probably happening anyways. So that's a relief.

I love Vancouver! Just thought I'd share that with y'all.  I will now go and bask in the afterglow of MFTC.


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Well, hope you enjoyed the post!

If you have any crazy transit stories, recount them in our comments section!

Until next time...

Super mini-post: shoutouts, fun facts, question to ponder, prizes!

Hey everyone, Nick and I missed our tuesday post. We are making up for lost time with 2 posts in one day!

this is a super mini post, that will deal with many departments of out blog. as you can see from the title, I will be covering shout outs, fun facts, a question to ponder, and will also be announcing a contest.

Shout Outs
Our first shout out goes to Sarah Carter. After Church on Sunday night at White Spot we found out she was the only Carter sister to read our blog... this has since been rectified, thanks largely to Sarah's powers of persuasion, and persistence. Here is a shout out to our favourite Carter sister.

Second shout out goes to Ben Roy, who was instrumental in our facebook takeover this afternoon. Ben, we like you as much as you like our posts (see what I did there, facebook pun!)

Our last shout out goes to Jonathan Senn. You are the inspiration for next small segment.

Fun Facts


Nick and I are amazed at the readership of our blog. Thank you for reading!

here is a fun fact about our little blog.

Fun Fact: We have readers in 6 countries on 4 continents. After Canada, the most page views are from Russia... who knew we had Russian readers... we didn't.
for our Russian friends,
Добро пожаловать в наш край в интернетах. Пусть ваше сердце будетсогрет смеха и счастья.


Question to Ponder


ponder this question.
vote in our poll.
comment on it in the comments


Do you still wish people happy birthday on facebook?


I have largely stopped. Instead I try to wish them a happy birthday in person or via text message. Wishing someone "HBD" on facebook seems like an easy, and largely insincere route to go.

Contest


Tell us your thoughts on facebook birthday greetings in our comments section.

The entry that uses the most "q"'s without exceeding 200 words, and while still maintaining a coherent argument will win 2 cookies, one of them autographed by us.*

contest closes 11:59 pm PDT on April 19, 2012.


So much for my mini post.

*If you win, and are somewhere I can't personally deliver the cookies to by bus, then you win a shout out.

Live from the Library!

Well, here we are again, writing a blog post instead of studying for final exams. Posts will be a bit more inconsistent in the future, but we hope that you will continue to frequent our piece of the online pie. We are also considering changing online venues to tumblr. But this is still in the works.

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ANYWAY, we bring to you today an ethical dilemma of underwhelming magnitude (POP POP).

We will discuss skipping class - is it in any way moral or edifying, and can it ever be wholly justified? Firstly, here are some of our reasons this term for skipping class.*

I can skip today because....

- I'm tired. (/too lazy to get out of bed)

- I've gone to all my other classes this week.

- It's just a review class....

- There's a guest lecturer.

- This won't be on the exam...

- It's my only class of the day.

- I have to finish a paper for a different class.

- It's raining. (A very useful excuse living in Vancouver)

- It's too nice out...

- I just plain don't want to go to class.

- I just got a new ______.

- My friend skipped.

- My friend is going and will take notes. (Between us, we could have gone to class 50% of the time, but we're better than that.)

So, are any of these justifiable? I would venture to say no. Perhaps the only excuses ever really good enough to make skipping class alright are that one has work to do for other classes. Also if you need to attend a funeral, perhaps.

But one also argue that skipping is actually better for one's mental health. If I had not skipped a single class this term, I can confidently say I would have been checked into a psych ward after attempting to colour in all the white space my own eyeballs. This following the (hypothetical) trauma suffered by the preschoolers who heard me yelling "hotdogs are coming to invade our planet!!!!"

At any rate, that is to say that perhaps breaks are needed, in order to function properly in the majority of classes. I'm sure if I had attended more Psychology 1120 classes, I would have some actual science to back this up, but oh well. At least I'm normal.

Right?

In conclusion, we have no conclusion. Skipping is usually not justifiable, but also not completely wrong. After all, it's your own money (or the banks. or your parents.) that's being wasted. So be careful when skipping, and make sure not to do it TOO much... It's a slippery slope.

Signing off.

($tay tuned for an extra mini-blog from Colin this afternoon.)

*Also, please note that this really only applies in post-secondary schools. To our younger audience, we do not condone skipping in any way.

Bed time!

It is the last day of term. a.k.a. the ultimate Quiznos thursday!!!!

We are going to keep this snappy today.

On the docket today Nick and I will discuss bedroom furniture. and then end our post with a medley of random thoughts.

Although this is our last official post this term, do not fear. We will be posting, although slightly more irregularly (as if it could get any more irregular) throughout the summer.

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I often joke about Nick and our friend Karol (Karol consider this a shout out. Shout outs will become a regular feature on MFTC. Also, notice our new abbreviation for our blog... keep your eye on that!) and how they should sleep in bunk beds, because they go everywhere together, like Thompson and Thomson in The Adventures of Tintin, minus the mustaches.

This got Nick and I talking about fantastic bedroom furnishing.

here is a list of our favourite types of beds in no particular order:

- Hammocks

- "Trunk" Beds (bunk beds with 3 tiers)

- Fold out wall beds (aka Murphy beds)

- 4 poster beds (especially if converted to blanket forts)

- Having a massive futon, covering your whole floor instead of carpet (so you could sleep literally        anywhere)... I think the Japanese have probably invented this, they are really smart, they make robots.

- Hot water beds. the soothing properties of a hot water bottle combined with the comfort of a water    bed              
              - nick also suggests vitamin water beds. Healthy and comfy

- Pillow nests

- Strapping yourself to a wall using Velcro, like astronauts do.

- Sleeping between two giant, warm, syrup-free pancakes.


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here are a few random thoughts to ponder until we get around to blogging again - don't think them all at once!!
- Colin thinks country music is a lifestyle (more on this later)
- Nick is excited for playoff (beard) season
- Colin realizes these aren't thoughts, but statements
- Nick thinks that statements are technically thoughts, to be able to be said at all
- Colin ponders and agrees, but maintains that these don't give our readers much to think about
- The strange combination of peanut butter and mayonnaise (some people enjoy this, really.)
- Shout out to 'D' for winning the small competition from last post. A mix-tape is coming your way
- How many burps would it take to fuel a hot air balloon? (a customized lolcat picture will be awarded to the person who can give us mathematic evidence on this topic)
- 'I' before 'E' except after 'C'. And in all the words where that rule doesn't apply. (weight, neighbour, etc)
- What's the difference between pizza and flatbread?
- why would a person wear a belt and suspenders at the same time? (we can see a person doing this)
- people who wear sunglasses inside are really cool.
- FUN FACT - Jon Senn deserves a shout out! (Also, walruses have 18 teeth, which is two more than the usual number of people on the hit reality tv show Survivor.)
- Would you read a Survivor blog written by Colin?

- AND... What is stopping YOU from commenting?

This was going to be a short post, but it really isn't.

Thanks for readin'.

Badasslessness

Hello one and all!

Triple O Tuesdays are definitely the highlight of my time at Langara between 11:30 and 12:30. But this may be the last one to ever happen!! But only time will tell. I may just come here every Tuesday anyway, even if I don't attend this lovely college (Langara. The College of higher learning).

But enough chit chat, let's get down to what we do best: raise divisive social quandaries for you, our dear readers to discuss.

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Todays topic, as you may have gleaned from this post's title, has to do with being badass. Or rather, not being badass.

I realized the other day whilst crossing the street, that all people* try to be the first person to start walking when the red hand magically turns into the little white man.

First of all, it's usually males in the 12-73 demographic. Second of all, everyone thinks they are really cool when they step off first, when it is possibly the least cool thing out of all cool things. It's got some strange element of danger to it, but not enough to make the action of stepping actually something that takes any skill or bravery.

Colin raises an interesting point as we masticate our burgers: this phenomenon hearkens back to Darwin's theory of Natural Selection. People want to prove their supposed agility, speed, fitness, and dexterity to potential mates who are obviously watching to see who steps off the curb first. (Ladies, we would love some confirmation on this - first one to confirm receives a shout out in the next post and an alt-country mix tape.)

Ironically, the individuals who venture onto the thoroughfare first, actually run a higher risk of eliminating their own genes from the pool of life.

Any thoughts or comments on this issue? We would love to hear them - also, CC your local bylaw enforcement officer.

Please tune in this thursday for more Musings from the Cafeteria.

Danke.

*not actually everyone - this is hyperbole.

a long post to make up for a non-existant one.

Hello everyone,

I just ate 4 jalapeno slices, and am beginning to perspire slightly on my forehead.

I am sorry we didn't post last tuesday. Even sorrier than I am about missing out on the sweet deal of a luscious legendary burger, crispy french fries, and a refreshing coca cola for only $5.55 at my local triple o's restaurant, here in the langara cafeteria.

Please consider the pain of 4 spicy jalapeno slices, and the anguish at missing out on an awesome deal punishment enough for me missing an update.

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I now move this blog on to a hard hitting social issue which affects Canadians annually.

RRRRRoll up the RRRRRim to win (as it was originally marketed)!

A subtle marketing shift has been made over the past few years, from the act of winning, to the act of rolling. This annual promotion (held by an unnamed Canadian coffee shop chain named for a Toronto Maple Leafs defenseman who played for them from 1949-1970, born in Cochrane, Ontario) causes a commotion of emotions from ocean to ocean. This notion is troubling to me. I do not like how a vendor of magic caffeinated potion toys with my emotions.

I buy the drink with anticipation. I drink it. Not too hastily, lest I burn my tongue, but hastily enough as to most expediently satisfy my curiosity.

And then...

I roll up the rim.

And do not win.

There is a supposed 1 in 6 chances of winning.

My combined 2 year record is roughly 3 wins for 60 rolls. (this is an exact number for wins, and a conservative figure for rolls).

I am speechless.

I don't know what else to say.

I feel used.

On one hand, how can I condone these actions? A corporate giant taking advantage of defenseless, mindless caffeine addicted, consumer like me.

But on the other hand, I must commend them.

They do not simply sell the most widely used legal drug in the world, in red paper cups (now available in a 24 oz size!).

They sell hope.

Truthfully the coffee is not great. I switched at the beginning of the year to drinking Starbucks coffee because of its superior taste, and the fact that the line ups do not stretch halfway across campus.

But every February, when hope becomes available for purchase, I am somehow drawn back to this Canadian institution, like so many before me have also been drawn back.

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Nick says: Double-doubles are like drinking liquid candy.

Day 2 - The Social Experiment

Welcome back friends - or should we say FACEBOOK STALKERS.

You have all been pawns in our grand social experiment. Colin posted the link to this blog on my facebook wall, not as a status update. Now, this means that anyone who read the blog was creeping our conversations. You are all disgusting. Literally, I just vomited.

But seriously though, thank you for frequenting our small, but ever expanding corner of the blogosphere. We hope to continue entertaining you with our verbal prowess and discussions of (our) interesting social quirks. We shall post indefinitely - in fact, until the internet is outlawed forever, we will post. We will never give up.

Mostly this blog is an outlet for our over-stimulated brains. School is winding up and we would rather think about anything other than ancient Greco-Roman religion. It's quite boring. So sorry about the randomness of all of this.

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Now for our first topical post.

We want to discuss a major flaw in the cultural fabric of todays male dominated society. There is major inequality when it comes to this one area of social interaction in colleges and universities. As men, when we do not know the given names of other men, we can avoid the awkward social interchange where we must inquire of their names, when we should really already know it. For example, a simple "bud", "dude", or "man", can be used instead of the individual's unknown name.

This unsettling interaction of which we speak can only be employed when the individual whose name is unknown is a male. This makes friendship between females harder to come by* because they do not have an appropriate unfamiliar pronoun such as is utilized by males.

The exception that proves the rule is the phrase "hey girl," especially when said in a so-called "inner city," or "hood," dialect.

This realization has brought us to a question of how we can further gender equality. To do this, we must attempt to find an appropriate unfamiliar pronoun which can be employed by women.

Here is out list, so far useless:

-heeey lady

-woman

-girl

-lass

-sister (sista)

-dudette

-baroness

-dame

*We have done no actual research, so please don't take us seriously. Seriously.

Hello Universe.

Nick and Colin here Live from the Langara Cafeteria.

It is a tuesday and we have just completed our weekly ritual.
Triple O tuesdays, complete with burgers and crossword.

Our average time for crosswords was lowered today to a stunning 14:57.

Nick and I eat lunch together most every tuesday and thursday, and have a wide range of discussions whilst we partake in food over the noon hour.

You, dear reader, are one to whom we would like to extend our dialogue.
some topics we have covered in the past, and will undoubtedly cover in the future include, but are not limited to:
- Facial hair
- band names
- Tea
- names of ballpoint pens
- toques
- how everything in NBC's hit situational comedy "Community" is true
- preparation of French Fries
- Philosophy, especially when presented by Philosoraptor
- Our friend Karol
- Whether or not skipping class is ethical or justifiable
- features of Langara College: architecture, social groups
- sociology of coffee line-ups
- the Quizno's Lady

obviously this is just an initial list, myriad more topics will, and have been discussed.

WELCOME TO OUR WORLD