Because we got a guest blogger with us today (K-Baw$$ in da HAU$).
This is Karol's first time ever in the Langara Cafeteria, and possibly Nick's last time blogging from the Langara Cafeteria, before he abandons this fine college for another institution.
I will continue on here at Langara, and eventually I will be on my own writing these posts in the middle of the cafeteria. That is a really sad thought. On the bright side, I do have these amigos with me to write today.
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Today's we present Ten Tepid Tips for Travel Through the Transit Tubes (not hot tips, because we're humble like that).
Translink is a fine system (North American transit system of the year in 1995 I believe... too lazy to Google it), but the riders of Translink are not.
Here are some tips for getting the most out of your Bus, Seabus, SkyTrain, Canada Line, or West Coast Express journey.* Note that we write these tips while assuming the mental mantle of typical Translinkians. (We call them our MMTT's.)
At this point Karol is absent, leaving us to assume either A) he has eaten a laundry basket full of Wheat Thins, or B) the flush of the toilet has created a vacuum and left Karol permanently stuck to the toilet seat.
1. If you want to have more space on the bus, put your bag in the window seat and sit on the aisle seat. If you do not have a bag talk to yourself very loudly complete with hand gestures, feigning insanity, most people find this off-putting and will not want to sit next to you.
2. If there is a recently vacated seat which you and another are vying for, offer the seat to your opponent. Vancouver transit rules state that "the one who offers a recently vacated seat shall be awarded the privilege of sitting in it"**
3. Moving while a bus is in motion is the safest, and most efficient way of preparing to exit a crowded bus. Be sure to push past people, especially if it means separating them from an object which they are using to stabilize themselves. A simple icy glare will suffice to move any people who refuse to put themselves in harm's way for the sake of your timely exit from the bus.
(Oh! Karol's back! No need for alarm, apparently he just got coffee.)
4. If you really don't want to talk to people, or even make eye contact, vancouver transit is for you (This does not apply to the #20 bus, which runs along Hastings).
5. Always make a point of flashing your U-Pass at bored university bus drivers who never look at you, especially when getting on AT the university.
6. Also, bring headphones, these are a must to ensure no conversations with anyone.
7. NEVER take your backpack off, especially on crowded busses.
8. When traveling by skytrain, make sure to get on before letting others off. This is the most expedient way to board any vehicle.
9. When seats are full, and the driver bids you move to the back of the bus, never go up the two stairs that separate the back of the bus from the front. It's much too dangerous to enter the uncharted wilds of the bus.
10. Be sure to disregard any advice from people who tell you that these Transit practices aren't correct. They are ill-informed and seek your destruction. Ignore them, and think of rabbits fighting, whilst a polka plays in the background.
*please note that these tips do not apply to the soon to be constructed Evergreen line.
** that statement is completely fabricated by myself for comedic effect.
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QKBPS (Quick K-Boss Post Script):
Karol here. First, I am supremely grateful to Nick and Colin for featuring me on this blog - what an honour! I'd also like to thank my producer, my agent, and especially Mom and Dad for sticking with me this long....
This experience in no way reminds me of something that just happened right now, but it was so strange I'd like to share it anyways. So there.
I was just sitting here, pondering the nature of the Blogoverse and and the Interspheres (I am a Philosophy major, after all), when a completely random man walked up to our table and asked me if I knew about reiki. Apparently it's a Japanese new-agey healing thing, and his instructor had him go around and do reiki for complete strangers. He had me hold out my hands, and proceeded to wave his hands over mine, about 2 inches from touching me. He did this for about 3 minutes, and then told me to "visualize the universe flowing through me". Even as a Philosophy major, I wasn't too sure how to go about this, so when he asked whether I "could feel the universe flowing through me", I hesitantly said "...not really". He looked a bit disappointed, but said it was probably happening anyways. So that's a relief.
I love Vancouver! Just thought I'd share that with y'all. I will now go and bask in the afterglow of MFTC.
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Well, hope you enjoyed the post!
If you have any crazy transit stories, recount them in our comments section!
Until next time...
